I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
