Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
