theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
