wanna go halves on a baby?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They have beer where we have blood.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
