Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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