I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
