shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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