I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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