my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
