Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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