I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
handjob tips. give me some.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
