Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I had to cum in my sink.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
