Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
