We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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