i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
