im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
