do herpes really smell.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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