I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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