Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
