I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
