Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
