you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
