thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
