what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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