At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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