okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
