I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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