Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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