Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
