you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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