can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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