good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
