hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
