our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Vodka?
Forever.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
