Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
