You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
