How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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