Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
