I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
