Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
