You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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