So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
