Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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