I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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