Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize