i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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