yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
