just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
