Can Purell be used as lube?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
