I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
