youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
